a new way to kill time.

Category: humble pie

free and clear… almost.

During the holiday season, traditions abound. Families will gather by the hearth. Some eat a big goose. Others indulge in an appetite inducing tramp through a nearby wooded area. More than a few will hoof it to the local mall to return those gifts that missed the mark. Recently, I heard of one that requires the involvement of a ceramic dolphin. As for my family, we are devoid of the routines that mar the yuletide, and happily so.

That is, except for the one.

mega millions math

From the roof deck bar atop the Hotel Gansevoort Tuesday past, the Imperialist, his cronies and I entered into a pact. It was similar to that which took place across the country – we would share the Mega Millions jackpot. Mind you, when we entered into the pact, the drawing had already taken place. You see, I bought $10 worth of tickets. Since we were all unaware of the results, they took the opportunity to buy into the potentially valuable tickets. Kind of like taping the game. Until the outcome enter your reality, anything is still possible.Everyone chipped in $2.50, and we were all proud shareholders in a fortune.

We won! Well, okay. The payout was only $3. Okay, according to NY State law, 2 out of the 3 Brits were ineligible to play. That’s neither here nor there.

Here is the ha ha. An interesting thing happens when smart people gamble. They tend to toss logic off the roof deck. Seriously, you wouldn’t believe the cock and bull math swirling about. Odds of winning were halved when doing this, or quartered when doing that. Now I don’t claim to know a ding dong thing about math, but I am pretty sure that in this case, my fu is good.

Here’s what we do know:

When buying a ticket for the Mega Millions, you will pick 5 numbers from 1 through 56. Next, you will select one number from 1 through 46. At the time of the drawing, if your 5 numbers match the numbers on the white pingpongs, and your solo number matches the drawn super duper deluxe gold mega ball, you are the mega winner. Doing a little mega math, we find that the odds of winning the mega prize are 1 in 175,711,536.

equation.pngCombinatorics, baby!

So what happens when you buy 2 tickets? According to some of our lotto-drunk cohorts, the odds are cut to 1 in around 88 million. By that math, you are either cutting your odds in half with each ticket you buy, meaning you only need about 28 tickets to hit the big one, or you might as well stop after 100 tickets, as the rate of improvement with each dollar you spend will be a fraction of a percent.

Frankly, I don’t buy into any of this cockamamie hocus pocus. That is because for all of those numbers, there are 175,711,536 possible combinations. The winning outcome represents 0.000000569114597006311% of the total, a mere drop in the pool of combinations. If this was math class, we would round to zero. If you buy 2 tickets, you are selecting 2 possible combinations out of 175,711,636, or 0.00000113822919401262% of the total. Again, we would usually round to zero. And 20 tickets? Your chance of hitting the jackpot is a just over a hundred-thousandth of a percent. Say it with me, round to zero.

With all that, I say happily that girlfriend will keep buying those $1 day dreams, even though the math might say that there is zero chance of winning.

So there.

a moment to lose my cool…

Those who know and love me have good reason to worry. Girlfriend’s sanity is hanging by a piece of dental floss. At some point, my world view shifted in a way I can’t appreciate. I now have zero tolerance for those who are not entirely self sufficient. I have little to no patience for the judgmental people in my sphere. I am floored when I am required to repeat myself. Honestly, I am starting to believe the world to be populated by complete morons.


All of them.

This is not a good way for me to be. This isn’t me. Sigh. What happened to the sweet, fun-loving, party girl? Maybe I miss Chicago. It is odd to think, as I know and love so many people here. I grew up here. I was raised here. It’s familiar. It’s home. But frankly, this isn’t the same place it was when, you know, crack was king.

Maybe I was too young to notice, but since when did everyone in this city become so !@#$ competitive? It’s about who is working late every night. It’s about how much someone makes. It’s about who has the better apartment, who is wearing what dress, who ate at which restaurant, who is seen with what person, who is going to the better parties, who had the best weekend, blah, blah, blah.

Seriously. Give it a rest. For a girl who has spent a lifetime not giving a crap about the superficial, I can’t seem to escape it. If I want to spend the weekend in my jammies watching TV, eff you for judging me. If I want to see Transformers instead of Mon Meilleur Ami, get over it. If I want to order in from the cheap diner around the corner instead of hitting the new Sino-French fusion place, eat it.

Like I said. Girlfriend is so very close to losing it.

busting chops for fun and profit…

I love my friends.

I do. Really.
I think they are great.

Yup. Great.

Okay, so sometimes my friends are a-holes. That doesn’t mean I don’t love them. It means that every now and again, I get the urge to club them over the head, fur trapper style. Or maybe throw some oranges in a pillow case and go to town.

this way to passive aggression