if only it were so easy

by santoki


If there is something to desire,
there will be something to regret.
If there is something to regret,
there will be something to recall.
If there is something to recall,
there was nothing to regret.
If there was nothing to regret,
there was nothing to desire.

Vera Pavlova

When a relationship ends, there are a certain questions that inevitably run through my head. What could I have done differently? Why is this so difficult? Would I get busted for toilet papering his front yard? Mostly though, I just want to watch Bruce Willis movies.

As a realist, this was definitely the most logical decision. You know, deal with the little hurt now as opposed to the wall of pain later. Surely, this was for the best. Gah, how I despise that phrase. In any case, this was likely the most wretched move from the perspective of a romantic. Having never been one, I am certain that I have no idea. Unfortunately, it seems that someone broke through the cynical candy coating and left my sugary nougat center a bit exposed. And you know what? I find that to be okay.

My new romantic self sees that I am capable of being a warm, caring, unsarcastic person. I can be affectionate and loving and still stay true to angry little me. Sure, right now life sucks, boys are stupid, and easy outs are for cowards, but you know something? That’s okay, too.